Speaking from experience here -

[kyburg]

Foreigners wishing to adopt Russian children should undergo mandatory parenting courses and psychological testing, the government has said.

Well, if you want to adopt a child in your own county here in Los Angeles, you do. Really really.

And yes, I am planning to take that home study they did and shop it around. You betcha.

..

Past that?

North Carolina? AGAIN? WTF.

Comments

[makeitepic.livejournal.com]

I think that every parent should do that, adopting or otherwise >.>;

Actually

[turandot.livejournal.com]

What appalls me is that this was not standard procedure for private adoptions that involved adopting out of country.

Then again, these days I tend to think parenting classes should be mandatory period: no ifs, no buts - no "I read the books while pregnant, that should be enough". Too many children have idiot parents as it is. *shudders*

[kimberlychapman.livejournal.com]

Wow. And we opted for IVF because it was cheaper than adoption for us. Why? Because in Nevada until very recently, you had to be religious to adopt. Every agency in the state required a letter from clergy saying you'd attended a place of worship (within their narrow definitions, even) for at least six months.

So to go out of state would have cost about $15,000 plus travel. IVF was $10,000. Neither guarantees a kid. But we still get a lot of bigotry thrown at us for it, all under the "you should have adopted instead of breeding" thing. Never, I might add, from anyone who has adopted themselves. Always from the childless or those who have their own biological children. Funny, that. >:/

It drives me crazy that we've wanted a baby for so long and gone through so much to get this far, and there are so many asshats out there who can get ahold of kids but manage to fuck it all up. Not right, not fair.

That boggles me.

[snobahr.livejournal.com]

I've spat out my own crotchdropping beloved little cuddlemuffin, but when faced with those two numbers, I'd want to bitchslap whoever whines at you "You should have adopted!" No. Definitely IVF, so the extra $5K could go towards childcare...

Bah.

BTW, my husband and I both are adopted. Our son is now 18 months old, and we're giving serious consideration towards having another, but adopting a girl, because we want a girl, and the only way to guarantee a Li'l Girl SnoBahr is to go the vending machine route :) I heart my li'l boy muchly.

Re: That boggles me.

[lysana.livejournal.com]

Calling adoption "the vending machine route" is giving me a major giggle fit. Thank you.

Re: That boggles me.

[snobahr.livejournal.com]

Hey, you've got a good idea what you're going to get before you drop your quarters in :)

Re: That boggles me.

[kimberlychapman.livejournal.com]

I'd want to bitchslap whoever whines at you "You should have adopted!"

When it comes from someone who means well but is ignorant, I sigh and explain it to them.

When it comes from someone who is just ordering me around by their own supposed values even though they're being a total hypocrite about it, I ask them if they'd go up to a woman who'd survived breast cancer and tell her off for having surgery instead of using padding.

Not that an adopted baby is padding, obviously...it's just that I get really cranky at people who are willing to talk down to me about infertility but would be appalled at anyone talking down to someone for some other medical condition outside of their control.

And on adoption, when we were going for our third IVF implantation attempt (only had one retrieval and we still have frozen embryos left), I was so down on it working that I told my husband, "Monday we'll get the negative test. I want to start talking to adoption agencies on Tuesday." I was actually more psyched up at that point for adoption, so the pregnancy test was a bit of a shocker. :)

I'm still up for adoption for subsequent kids. If all continues to go decently with this pregnancy, we'd use the frozen embryos first (especially since that cost is only $3000), but if they don't work, I'm not doing another retrieval. I'm quite aware that in the US there's almost no waiting period for a non-white baby, and I'm not fussy about pigmentation. :) I'm happy to give a loving home to any child that I can afford. So that's still a possibility down the line.

Pigmentation fussiness

[snobahr.livejournal.com]

I was born (and adopted) in 1968, in Los Angeles, by a very white couple. I'm full Eskimo. People would constantly ask my mom if I was Chinese or (get this!) Italian. That passed by the time I was four.

I am indifferent to skintone. All I want is "healthy," because I'm well aware that I don't have the emotional fortitude to go in knowing that I'm adopting a special-needs baby.

Oh, and I want "Girl." So it'd be "healthy girl." Hee!

Re: Pigmentation fussiness

[kimberlychapman.livejournal.com]

You'd be amazed at the number of fuckwits who would be rude to you for your very sensible decision regarding special needs. It's like as soon as you're willing or have to adopt, a lot of people *expect* you to take on a severely disabled child. Now, I'm a disabled rights activist who has been around folks of varying disabilities all my life. I'm not frightened by or uncomfortable around disabled folks at all. I'm pretty sure that, with adequate funding, I could well handle almost any physical disability in a child. I'm not sure I'm up to most mental disabilities, though, beyond non-severe Down's Syndrome or some forms of autism (there's a good probability that my husband and I are mild high-functioning autistics ourselves), mostly because it's a lifelong commitment to someone who may never understand even the fundamentals of self-care.

But I say that to some people and they're in my face about it with oh-so-wise observances like, "Well you don't get to pick what happens with your biological children so you shouldn't exclude when adopting." Um...duh? Never heard of anyone *trying* for a special-needs kid biologically. And there *are* things people can do to minimize chances, like not drinking for one (I live in Las Vegas, a high proportion of special needs kids awaiting adoption have severe Fetal Alcohol Syndrome).

And again, the dipshits who say things like that have *never* adopted their own special needs kid. People who have know what it takes and don't guilt anyone else into it, because it should only be done by those with a clear-minded commitment.

That, and not all states require health insurance to cover an adopted special-needs kid. It can be defined in some states as a pre-existing condition and therefore ineligible for coverage. Unless something has changed in the couple of years since I checked, Nevada has no law regarding this issue, so our health care provider could reject a special-needs adopted kid.

If I had tons and tons of money, I'd be quite happy to adopt many kids, one every couple of years or so, and definitely include physically disabled kids in that. But I'd never ever push someone else into it unless they were 100% sure of it, because that's a recipe for disaster and nobody wins. And it's a *good thing* when people can be realistic and sensible in their family choices. :)

[fufaraw]

Oh deer loward, yes, NC again. We're NOT all like that, I swear.

I've been pretty vocal in suggesting that every person should take parenting classes, pass them, and successfully serve time in a daycare center before receiving a lisence to reproduce. It wouldn't eliminate pilot error, but it would help weed out the majority of those who should never have responsibility for a child.

I see no reason to exclude adoption from the above criteria.

[eve-dallas.livejournal.com]

Parenting is indeed a challenge. When my children were growing up, most of the challenge for me was finding a compromise between income and fads. I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom. Now, juggling jobs and children and chores is enough to fray the nerves of just about any adult.

My youngest son was tossed out of the newborn nursery the day after he was born because he was disrupting the other newborns. *hand to heart* No lie!

I used to make jokes about leasing him out to Zero Population Growth or that he would have been an only if he'd been born first.