Standing down -
Aug. 2nd, 2005 09:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgI called it off. Call it intuition, call it fear of the 'August Curse' - I got the worst case of cold feet this morning, and decided to push the insemination try off until next cycle.
One, it's not free. And money, while it's not hurting, is tight right now. I'd rather be in a better place, financially. It won't take six months to get to, but we're not there today. Hey, you don't get into your forties and remain childless, when you want them, if you aren't a little paranoid.
Two, we haven't gotten day care nailed down. And that is going to be crucial. Neither of us can stop working, and if we can't work and see something after paying for childcare, we definitely have an issue we have to come to terms with.
Three, I've looked at too many couples who just jumped into having kids (or more of them) - and it ruined them. I think we're still at risk for that. I think we're always going to be at risk for that. It's the bloody unknown - and it's not the kids that worry me.
And then, it doesn't help that my first set of Sims in the first Sims2 family I built? The father killed himself fixing the television set while his wife was pregnant with their second kid - by the time the first kid was in first grade, the social worker had taken both of the kids, and the wife died a bitter old woman - the end.
*brrr*
Okay. Try again in September.
One, it's not free. And money, while it's not hurting, is tight right now. I'd rather be in a better place, financially. It won't take six months to get to, but we're not there today. Hey, you don't get into your forties and remain childless, when you want them, if you aren't a little paranoid.
Two, we haven't gotten day care nailed down. And that is going to be crucial. Neither of us can stop working, and if we can't work and see something after paying for childcare, we definitely have an issue we have to come to terms with.
Three, I've looked at too many couples who just jumped into having kids (or more of them) - and it ruined them. I think we're still at risk for that. I think we're always going to be at risk for that. It's the bloody unknown - and it's not the kids that worry me.
And then, it doesn't help that my first set of Sims in the first Sims2 family I built? The father killed himself fixing the television set while his wife was pregnant with their second kid - by the time the first kid was in first grade, the social worker had taken both of the kids, and the wife died a bitter old woman - the end.
*brrr*
Okay. Try again in September.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 05:14 pm (UTC)I know without daycare Mark and I would have a hard time. He's self employed, so I work to pay for medical insurance. We have worked hard to not be in debt (paid off the condo) and very lucky that Alan just happened without going down the fertility road.
You may want to check if your county or state has an office for children. That's where we got (from our county) a list of in home daycare providers. We found Alan's sitter from 3 months to almost 2 there. (She needed to go back to work, so now he's in a group place). It was a good age to transition him fortunately.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 07:23 pm (UTC)However, don't forget that once you get pregnant, you still get ten months to work out the rest of it. You can't really nail down child care until you have an ETA on the child anyway. Most places won't put you on the waiting list until you're at least expecting anyway. As far as that goes, I have scads of advice - not just my own experience, but a four-part series on child care I did a few years ago - and I'll be happy to share it with you, on LJ or private email, if you wish.
But don't let logistics stop you, if that's all that's stopping you. No one is ever really READY to have a child. The stuff you can prepare for is only the very beginning of the stuff with which you have to cope. It changes you, it changes your relationship, it changes your life, and the changes can't necessarily be predicted. So yeah, it's scary. But it's a hell of a ride. :) Love comes naturally. The rest takes care of itself - with a little help from you.
Hoping the best for you, whatever you decide.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 08:16 pm (UTC)Where. How much. Don't have a clue.
Uh uh. Not until that is nailed down. I just don't feel right about it.
I don't have a mother, sister or anyone I can call in. Not right now.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 10:02 pm (UTC)Sims and free will
Date: 2005-08-02 11:28 pm (UTC)Doesn't work that way in real life, you have to remind yourself.
That is not to say that you jumped the gun in postponing your treatment: nervousness and medical treatment never mix particularly well, so if one more month helps you relax into it, then it was the right call to make.
I'd use the month to ask women you know locally who their childcare provider is, and how happy they find themselves with their choice. That is not to say that there aren't lists out there that could give you good leads, but sometimes even the most objective list possible doesn't tell you some of the facts you would like to know.
Some childcare providers are pretty strict in refusing to let a child with all the usual childhood ailments (read: flu, measles, chicken pox, etc.) until they're no longer contagious, which means that if the child comes down with any of them, mom gets to take a sick day herself. Others will actually have enough staff on hand that can spend time with the child in a separate area, and does not mind a fussy child, and/or a more relaxed attitude about such things (because children are gonna come down with that stuff anyway, so you're only delaying the inevitable). That's something you're only gonna find out from a parent who's been there and done that (me, I've worked in offices staffed with young moms in the past, and so I've heard all the woes possible about third party childcare =P).
Re: Sims and free will
Date: 2005-08-02 11:31 pm (UTC)Er, that should read: refusing to let a child with all the usual childhood ailments (read: flu, measles, chicken pox, etc.) into the daycare facilities until they're no longer contagious. =P
no subject
Date: 2005-08-03 12:31 am (UTC)But don't give up just because your Sims are dysfunctional. ;D My Tommy sim just got a C at University because he spent the entire semester woo-hooing his boyfriend. :x
September will be a better month. And you'll be a great mom -- you already keep so many of us from eating things off the ground and drinking poison. =)
no subject
Date: 2005-08-03 01:51 pm (UTC)And yes, I'd love your input. You are one resourceful cookie, m'dear.
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Date: 2005-08-03 01:51 pm (UTC)I love you.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-03 01:52 pm (UTC)