Fawl down...go boom
Oct. 12th, 2002 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyburgGah, I sat down to watch FLCL this afternoon...and found myself answering the phone in a stupor more than once. I feel asleep. BIG time asleep.
Do I even feel when I'm tired anymore? Crap.
Jim's grandmother is failing. How bad, not there to say. But hospice is in, so is the hospital bed...and so on. There is a daughter there round the clock - Jim's mother is the oldest, and she has three younger sisters (not to mention four younger brothers...) so there are plenty of hands to go around.
I feel bad by my reaction - to me, this is the end of the process and I hope it will pass swiftly. It is the worst part of her life, to be certain. I hope it doesn't last long.
But Jim is losing his grandma. His very beloved grandma who just worships the ground he walks on.
Suckage. I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 19 - both of my grandfathers long gone before I was born. To have had both maternal grandparents this far into his thirties is an incredible thing in my experience. They are great-grandparents many times over...they had eight children, and they had multiple sets of children and so on, and so forth. A veritable ton of humanity.
And they adore their granny. Well earned, say I.
But she won't get better...and her most favorite thing, cooking...and enjoying meals, is now totally out of the question. She's nauseous. And now, in pain.
Time to go.
Sis says I kick into a very "male" coping mode - I don't react emotionally, but very process-oriented. We need this. We'll be here. Where will the money come from...there. How long to be away from work? How fast can we be there? Why?
It's true. Jim is reacting emotionally, and I apologize for acting so cold.
Gah. Grandma, get out of here. It's not a fit place for man nor beast. We'll miss you, but I can't be so selfish and want you to stay a moment longer. I can let you go. See you later, and give everyone my regards.
Saw my friends the Harman's this afternoon. Brought them some apple booty from last weekend, and .. suckage. They're going under. It's only a matter of time. I don't know what they are going to do - but I made myself available to them when they're ready.
And I doubt I will be as kind as when Kim became pregnant with the twins three years ago. "This is going to do things to your dynamics that you can't begin to comprehend," said I. And here we are. I saw it with my older brother. I swear, a little food here and there isn't going to change a thing. But it's something, and something I can do - we've always shared booty.
Well, now we share other shit. Suckage.
Cedric called - and ham radio club meeting is tonight - no way to get there. Crap. And now, dinner sounds like a good idea...hope Jim is having a quiet night. His younger brother called (yeah, I was stuporous) and I sent him on to Jim at work. Richard is a strange one for me...he's so like my late husband, it's truly scary. Poor dears. I may have a lot of issues with Jim's male relatives (his mother's brothers excepted) - but I really can't stay angry with them long.
And now, onto the net to look up fares to Tennesee...and applesauce recipes.
Do I even feel when I'm tired anymore? Crap.
Jim's grandmother is failing. How bad, not there to say. But hospice is in, so is the hospital bed...and so on. There is a daughter there round the clock - Jim's mother is the oldest, and she has three younger sisters (not to mention four younger brothers...) so there are plenty of hands to go around.
I feel bad by my reaction - to me, this is the end of the process and I hope it will pass swiftly. It is the worst part of her life, to be certain. I hope it doesn't last long.
But Jim is losing his grandma. His very beloved grandma who just worships the ground he walks on.
Suckage. I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 19 - both of my grandfathers long gone before I was born. To have had both maternal grandparents this far into his thirties is an incredible thing in my experience. They are great-grandparents many times over...they had eight children, and they had multiple sets of children and so on, and so forth. A veritable ton of humanity.
And they adore their granny. Well earned, say I.
But she won't get better...and her most favorite thing, cooking...and enjoying meals, is now totally out of the question. She's nauseous. And now, in pain.
Time to go.
Sis says I kick into a very "male" coping mode - I don't react emotionally, but very process-oriented. We need this. We'll be here. Where will the money come from...there. How long to be away from work? How fast can we be there? Why?
It's true. Jim is reacting emotionally, and I apologize for acting so cold.
Gah. Grandma, get out of here. It's not a fit place for man nor beast. We'll miss you, but I can't be so selfish and want you to stay a moment longer. I can let you go. See you later, and give everyone my regards.
Saw my friends the Harman's this afternoon. Brought them some apple booty from last weekend, and .. suckage. They're going under. It's only a matter of time. I don't know what they are going to do - but I made myself available to them when they're ready.
And I doubt I will be as kind as when Kim became pregnant with the twins three years ago. "This is going to do things to your dynamics that you can't begin to comprehend," said I. And here we are. I saw it with my older brother. I swear, a little food here and there isn't going to change a thing. But it's something, and something I can do - we've always shared booty.
Well, now we share other shit. Suckage.
Cedric called - and ham radio club meeting is tonight - no way to get there. Crap. And now, dinner sounds like a good idea...hope Jim is having a quiet night. His younger brother called (yeah, I was stuporous) and I sent him on to Jim at work. Richard is a strange one for me...he's so like my late husband, it's truly scary. Poor dears. I may have a lot of issues with Jim's male relatives (his mother's brothers excepted) - but I really can't stay angry with them long.
And now, onto the net to look up fares to Tennesee...and applesauce recipes.
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no subject
Date: 2002-10-12 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-13 05:01 am (UTC)My own grandmother passed rather easily, and I was always grateful that she did. I wouldn't have wanted her to suffer. And if she had been suffering, I would have wanted her to pass quickly and easily, no matter how much I loved her. No, *because* I loved her.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-13 10:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-13 12:20 pm (UTC)I need to be there with my family.
Yes, I know how lucky I've been. I think part of it is I didn't know about when my father's parents passes away for 5 years.
I dunno...