*sniff*

[kyburg]

Still sick. But better, and will go back to work tomorrow.

I've said this, I'm sure of it - stop me if you've heard this one before.

I don't think anyone under the age of oh, 21/22 or so? Should try to have a kid by themselves. No, seriously.

I haven't met a 19-year-old yet I thought was prime parent material, me included.

When is a good time? Hmmm. Get all the school you want out of the way, first. Get a good handle on the kind of job you want to have (and if that means parenting children, that's honest) and make sure you can back it up with the kind of education you need (see former, capiche?)...and be in a stable relationship if you're making the kid yourself. Don't waffle or mince on the last statement. You want optimal, there's your mix.

Oh, and if you're not fabulous by 30, don't kill yourself.

I really think it's only fair you get to be a teenager as long as you're allowed. Make all the mistakes you can reasonably account for yourself, and learn from them - FIRST - before you drag someone else along for the ride.

And when girls start menarche at 11 these days, that's a lot of years you have to be aware of your fertility and managing it. At a time when you're least educated about just about everything.

I am a firm supporter of contraception, and believe that nobody gets pregnant with the express intention of having an abortion - so if you tell me you need one, I believe you need one. It's that simple.

We clear on this?

Please. Don't tell me you think you can care for a baby when you're not even old enough to sign contracts as a legal adult. Not in this world. Oh, and you're already living on your own, independent and all that? No? Children get taken care of by their parents. Not their parents being 'taken care of' by their children, if you get my drift. If - my respect means anything. You asked.

If anything in my adoption journey has taught me, it's that there isn't a shortage of children being born - and frankly, the adoption agencies that advertise "PREGNANT? WANNA SELL YOUR KID?" right next to the "ADOPTIVE PARENTS APPLY HERE" banner make me ill, but that appears to be the typical domestic adoption scenario. I can't blame anyone who doesn't think of that first - but think about it seriously, if you're single, unemployed and under 22. Okay? There are more types of adoption situations than the "traditional" kind - believe me, I've done the research. There's no 'giving up' in adoption these days, not unless you want to.

This is someone who waited - with good reason. It can be done, and you'll have a hard time convincing me it was a mistake.

If you want to toss "well, you're jealous because you haven't got any of your own," I will fucking plant you in the cornfield. While reminding you we weren't talking about me in the first place. Or the second. Maybe not even in the third.

I'm old enough - and the daughter of a nurse who retired after over fifty years in hospitals, before and after Roe - to have seen a long string of really young parents with no other visible support than an accidental pregnancy. Lemme tellya. It never went well. Yeah, there are survivors of the process - and they can get on okay - or not - but while you can plan and choose? Please do. And yes, that's asking a lot.

Parenting is a selfless act, by its very nature. If you can't think of anything but what you want here? Come on.

That's not a responsible parent talking.

Comments

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Expect others to give up their children? No, I don't. Where are you getting that from? And why do you have this automatic expectation that we will act in bad faith? You want to know about my character? Ask kyburg. Seriously, do.

We will almost certainly be adopting an older child or children from the foster care system, providing a loving family to those kids who need it the very most.

I am disappointed to learn from you that open adoption isn't enforceable, but if it isn't, maybe it should be. Maybe the law should be changed. I assume you're devoting time to activism in that regard.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

Expect others to give up their children? No, I don't. Where are you getting that from?
The entire point of the post, which you said is "just how you feel" as well, is that people under a certain age, and/or who are single, should place their children for adoption. That bothers me, especially when you coupled it with the idea that open adoption is a solution to the problem of missing one's child.


And why do you have this automatic expectation that we will act in bad faith? You want to know about my character? Ask kyburg. Seriously, do.
Regarding you specifically, I don't assume you will act in bad faith. I know you COULD, legally. And that's enough for me to think a birthmother would be foolish to just trust you.


Maybe the law should be changed. I assume you're devoting time to activism in that regard.
Probably about as much as you are. ;)

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

And that's enough for me to think a birthmother would be foolish to just trust you.

Ergo the need for a contract, one that is legally enforceable, so that those who would act in bad faith cannot do so. It's why I suggest that perhaps the law should be changed.

My activism issue right now is making sure that all of my friends can get married to their chosen spouses, regardless of whether those spouses are the same sex or not. That's taking up a great deal of my activism time, and I don't have enough energy these days to take on another major issue at the same time. I used to, but no more. Damn this kidney disease anyway.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

my cause is reproductive rights. though I'm all for gay marriage as well.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Hon, in all honestly, she had a point. The legally enforceable portion would largely entail putting documents and contact information in a place where the child would have access to it. After that, it's all on the parties to get along. If things mesh, all well and good - if things don't, then the parents have to have the well-being of their family as the first priority, not the 'rights' of the biological parents.

But having to say goodbye, never knowing how things went? History.