Oh man.

[kyburg]

A Dutch couple living in Hong Kong yesterday found themselves at the centre of an international controversy after they gave up their daughter for adoption seven years after they adopted her themselves.

Raymond Poeteray, 55, who has worked as a Dutch diplomat for more than 20 years, and his wife, Meta, adopted Jade, an ethnic Korean girl, when she was four months old.

She's been in foster care outside the family for over a year. And no, no adoptive family has been identified for the child to move towards - even after being in care for over a year.

Nobody is talking much, outside of saying it's traumatic, etc. Natch.

Gods. It would be useful information, if they could simply say what went wrong.

And why, oh why, is there no attempt to find the birth family. Even at this remove. *kicks*

Comments

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

A year in foster care...Korean consulate looking for placement...all these things point to a child who very much wants a family with no reason to question her belonging to them. This is incredibly sad. "Culture shock."

Riiiiight.

Any placement at this point would be subject to the child's willingness to accept it - anything less would be criminal.

If the biological parents actually placed this child for adoption, with the understanding they were doing what was best for their child...is it out of the range of understanding that they should be consulted again? Or are they to be considered innately evil because they 'gave up' and placed their child?

I remember the Lisa Steinberg case - where one child died at the hands of adoptive parents, and a second child was found at the scene, in extreme neglect.

In that case, the birth mother came forward and took her child back. And you never heard another thing about it. No, I take that back. Hedda Nussbaum would like to have a relationship with her once-adopted son - but the birth mother won't allow it. So much for someone who 'gave up' their child.

All I ask for is for someone to consider the birth parents position, and acknowledge them. Placement in Korea - they speak Cantonese and English there, too. Believe it.

It's only one option to consider. May there be many good choices for her to pick from.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

Any placement at this point would be subject to the child's willingness to accept it - anything less would be criminal.

The child is SEVEN! She can't possibly make that kind of decision! She should be consulted, certainly, but she is SEVEN!


is it out of the range of understanding that they should be consulted again? Or are they to be considered innately evil because they 'gave up' and placed their child?

No one is "evil" for placing a child - you're the only one who has said such a thing. They are just out of the picture.

(frozen)

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Birth parents are never entirely out of the picture. Ignore that at your peril.

And the child has made some things very clear - hence, the abruption. Make it alone? You're joking, right?

[(Anonymous)]

To me, this isn't about birth parents rights; that's another bag all together. If they came forward to ask to have her again, they ought to be scrutinized as much as the next couple.

IMHO, Looking for placement primarily in Korea simply due to ethnicity (which seems to me to be the case because of how they're going about it -- citing the "culture shock" the child is undergoing, placing her with an ethnic Korean family in HK, etc.) is limiting the options, and seems to be equating culture with ethnicity. The way I'm reading "culture shock" as presented in the article is, "Well, she didn't like 'our' way of living." Which, again, I find strange considering that she wouldn't have known any other culture other than the one that adopted her.

Sure they speak Cantonese and English in Korea but is that the same cultural environment that she's already familiar with? HK is not Korea and vice versa. Placement in Korea gives her additional hurdles to her already full plate: language and an additional culture to learn and familiarize herself with. She's been in foster care in HK, meaning that HK is still probably the culture she's got the most familiarity with. Children are incredibly resilient and adaptable but this particular girl has a lot more to deal with, emotionally and socially, than others her age.

No, there aren't any ideal solutions or even solutions that suck less than the rest. What this hinges on is that the placement must be with a family that she can feel secure with and importantly, can love, and understands and works with her baggage and above all, love her back, unconditionally. Whether that's in HK, Korea or elsewhere with whatever ethnicity family remains to be seen.

[muimi07.livejournal.com]

Bugger, that was me. Not logged in on this computer :P

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Someone is going to have to find them - and advise them that THIS is the child they placed with someone they trusted.

*brrr*

Can you imagine....

But if they want in - and it's determined that it's safe to let them in - by all means.

I'd also LOVE to know which agency placed her. If an agency placed her at all. Four months is pretty young for an agency placement....