Brave? Sure. New? No. World? Define 'World' -

[kyburg]

This whole process, from trying to get pregnant to being pregnant, has been a challenge for us. The first doctor we approached was a reproductive endocrinologist. He was shocked by our situation and told me to shave my facial hair. After a $300 consultation, he reluctantly performed my initial checkups. He then required us to see the clinic’s psychologist to see if we were fit to bring a child into this world and consulted with the ethics board of his hospital. A few months and a couple thousand dollars later, he told us that he would no longer treat us, saying he and his staff felt uncomfortable working with “someone like me.”

What's the deal?

No, Mom's not a lesbian.

Mom's a transgendered man. Legally male.

Hardly the first case I've known of. While I put aside some very basic 'yeah, entitled much?' reaction to this, my larger gut check is the basic assumption they're both making that this kid is going to have Mom and Dad and happily ever after.

Until 'they' wants to go find their biological father. Which they are completely within their right to want, need and have.

*facepalms*

In the midst of 'can we do this?' - why, why, WHY is there no realization of basic biological rights being breached here on the part of the kid they are so anxious to have?

I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying there's some real basic 'I got mine, screw you' involved here...with their own kid!

You think sealed adoptions do some really tweaked things with identity...just get me started on pregnancy by donor.

Yes, I investigated it while Cliff was alive. And was rocked off my feet.

If I had so chose -

Nobody would have known if any children resultant? Weren't his. Even the birth certificate would have had his name on it, no mention of the pitch hitter. Anywhere. Original. Birth. Certificate. Full stop. Kid could have claimed survivor pension benefits, and nobody would have blinked. To age 18 and beyond, if in college. Wrap you head around that.

Yes, I was interested in donors who could be contacted, primarily. Holy chrome. Like I would take that away. Keep that a secret. (I hate secrets. I'm lazy that way.)

I haven't had a lot of first-hand experience with these "half-adoptees" - but there are plenty out there in the blogsphere. And as you might expect, the ones who have the most to say - are also the ones most in pain.

The records on their biological fathers simply weren't kept well enough to find later. Like my mother's records while she was pregnant with my sibs - we can't know exactly if we're all DES kids or not. Maybe Sis and I. Maybe just Sis.

There's no original birth certificate. There's no adoption record, sealed or unsealed. There's nothing - and all of a sudden, the appeal of going that route just vaporized.

There's no way they're going to keep this a secret. Reproductive tech is good, but it can't make an embryo with two eggs. Not yet.

This feels like it might be a continuing series. I hope so. I also hope they discuss this at some point, and how they plan to handle it. Someone made them jump through some counseling hoops - and then dropped them like a hot rock (know that one personally, at least) - this is a valid concern.

But new? First transgendered man to carry a pregnancy? PLEASE.

I ain't naming names...unless they come forward on their own. But there's at least one on my FL. Maybe two.

Comments

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

I just can't get excited about the poor, poor upper-middle-class children who spend their time bemoaning how they were created via donor sperm.

It's like the classic definition of too much time on their hands.


Someone made them jump through some counseling hoops - and then dropped them like a hot rock (know that one personally, at least) - this is a valid concern.

It's not a valid concern - it's just bigotry.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Against people who can't have children of their own without help?

I'm there.

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

Were you conceived by AID (Articificial Insemination Donor)? Or are you an adoptee who's had to contend with sealed records? If neither, you have no clue what you are talking about and clearly have too much time on YOUR hands.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

you're right. If I've never scraped my knee, I have no ability to objectively assess the gravity of that injury and conclude that someone whining incessantly about it is in fact just a whiner.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

You went into law, and not social work - right?

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

it's the same thing, a lot of the time.

[serrana.livejournal.com]

Actually, it is entirely possible to make an embryo with two eggs. It just hasn't been announced in humans yet. Which is rather different from "it hasn't been done in humans yet."

It's certainly been done in livestock, though.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but you and I can't go around the corner and get it for ourselves.

*thinks* Is it incest if I reproduce with myself?

[serrana.livejournal.com]

No, but we could probably go to, say, Singapore and get it for ourselves.

I dunno if it's incest, but it's probably not the best idea ever....

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*thinks* Wow, what a test case THIS would be. Not only do I not need a man to procreate...I could do it ALL myself. The explanation for that hurts my head. "No, Junior. You only have a Mom. There's no Jedi thingie...sorry."

No. UH. WHAT?

[serrana.livejournal.com]

I really wouldn't be surprised if it's already been done.

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

That poor child! This will come out, and her life will be hell...never mind all the angst of never being able to know who one's father is (and, as a reunited adoptee, I know whereof I speak here), just the whole "circus freak" atmosphere surrounding her conception (for that is how it will be regarded by many)will be enough to ensure that. Or, maybe I'm wrong, and, twenty or so years down the road, she'll be no more remarkable than Louise Brown. But I wouldn't want to be on that.

It wasn't me...

[cecerose.livejournal.com]

But new? First transgendered man to carry a pregnancy? PLEASE.

But when I lived in SF with my ex-wife cum husband (M2F), I did meet a couple in which F2M had carried a baby because the biological woman couldn't conceive. It ended sadly. It turned out the woman was having an affair with another woman and her TG male husband committed suicide shortly after he found out. I felt really bad for their daughter. How do you explain this?

I don't know if they were the first, but their was in grade school at the time and this probably 10 years ago.

[ivymcallister.livejournal.com]

For something to become normal and common, it has to actually happen first. Unfortunately, those first steps are the hardest. I am unwilling to find groundbreaking people selfish for wanting something that society doesn't approve of, or simply can't comprehend. Years ago, the thought of same-sex couples living together openly was appalling, and the idea that they could raise children was unthinkable. But Stonewall wasn't wrong. Protesters weren't wrong. Same-sex couples daring to walk down the sidewalk holding hands and refusing to keep quiet and out-of-sight weren't being selfish for wanting to be able to do so without fear--they were brave.

It's possible that the fact that my wife is M2F inclines me to sympathize with these people more than I would in different circumstances, but I doubt it. And for the record, I'm adopted--in-family adoption--and while I know my biological mother, I do not know who my bio-father is. It hasn't always been easy or pleasant, but there are far, far worse things I've had to deal with. In my experience--and I do not claim to speak for adoptees in general--adoption issues are background noise.

[danaseilhan.livejournal.com]

I am doing entirely too much link-following today when I should be working off and on on my homepage...

Yeah, but I think kyburg's original point is that each child affected by something like this has the right to decide whether it is a big deal or whether it is just background noise. And they can't make that choice if they're routinely lied to throughout their childhood and left with no useful knowledge of how they got here.

I have sooo many issues with adoption in general and how eager society is to break up families and reassemble them any way it likes. Any innovation of the process, I meet with suspicion.

[moropus.livejournal.com]

I have to admit I am more concerned about the health of the father and the child because of the artificial hormones which were taken and then stopped.