w00t w00t booyah

And it started yesterday with me bringing kid home early due to just not being able to stay in care one more minute without someone blowing a gasket at daycare. I mean - eating your lunch in the director's office because you can't sit and do it with your friends? And then still not getting it?

When he wouldn't nap, I took him home. He slept for nearly three hours. He then got it, chapter and verse, that no - we're not going to wheedle any more. You do - or do not - but if you do not, there are consequences.

One of them was the Daddy huggy at bedtime because he decided it would be better to be naughty instead. Uh no.

Man, all the apologies in the world and demands? Didn't get the huggy back. Who knew?

He's going to need to eat before going to school - new school doesn't do breakfasts, only lunch and snacks. Breakfast this AM? Let's see how long I can drag this out. Um, nope. That didn't work either.

I see a kid going hungry a few times in the near future until he figures it out. He surely did in foster care, but one can hope this will resolve. Trying to remember me at this age, I'm pretty sure some additional 'aids' were employed, including spankings and worse. (I know I spent a lot of time alone at the table after everyone else had left - sit me in front of cold, steamed spinach? I still can't eat that stuff.)

We got in, signed in and introduced - and kid essentially shut down. In the morning, this class draws and reads books. Old school? Toy play - and often more aggressive play than I was happy with. That's going to take some getting used to. (No, you will not get to make guns out of Legos and chase your friends around the room.) I talked him into drawing Daddy a picture, said my goodbyes - updated the teacher on yesterday's escapades and left for work. Felt like I just thrown him to very polite, orderly lions. They have awesome fish, though.

Got in earlier, even stopped at a better Starbucks - all good things. I just feel for him, though. And hate how breakfast didn't come together. Work in progress - guess I'm going to have to choose my battles with more care. (And not let Daddy decide that food that is a toy is what's for breakfast.)

Not a fun job today. Or an adventure.

So - we went to see Kung Fu Panda 2. That's as far as I go before I throw up the spoiler warning from hell.

( This movie is about a big, fat panda. And adoption. Not necessarily in that order. )

I'm going to try to see it again while it's still in the theaters.

So - we went to see Kung Fu Panda 2. That's as far as I go before I throw up the spoiler warning from hell.

( This movie is about a big, fat panda. And adoption. Not necessarily in that order. )

I'm going to try to see it again while it's still in the theaters.

For the record, if my kid tells you 'Daddy said I could - ' - no. No, Daddy did not say anything about whatever it was - matter of fact, he wasn't even consulted.

If you hear 'Mommy said I could - ' - um, guys. Mommy NEVER says he can do anything. For the record. That appears to be a line in my job description these days.

I'm also trying a different tact with the videogames and such - my kid aspires to be as big a Pokemon geek as his Dad, so trying to eliminate the games is really asking for more work with less returns in our environment. Yes, Dad finally beat him in a fair fight and the results were amazing. I had to remind Dad his kid is 5 and he's nearly 50. I had to hand out tea and sympathy to the kid. I then told kid Dad is *very* good at this and if he wanted to learn something, he needed to pay attention and not just get upset when Dad beat him (Soundly, I might add.) Dad can teach you a lot about this. You need to pay attention and not just try to win.

I've also tabled all final four runs for the time being - kid does them so often, he can do four of them in an hour. Using the same Pokemon constantly - with Jim's method (you buy enough stuff to keep your guys from fainting and grind grind grind), he's leveled up his favorites to 100. Guess what. Kid has ego issues - he likes winning. A lot.

Kid, you have other things to do. Trouble is, they're not as easy. The latest version actually has some pretty tough side games to do - mostly hide and seek related. He was given one of those yesterday - and clearly told he could do THAT or put the game up. When it got hard? He plainted for 'where are my other games?' and when thwarted, quit and started up the oldest one, the old Ruby Advance game still in the DS.

He lost the DS for the rest of the day. He cried. I hugged him, told him he had disobeyed me and done exactly what I had told him not to do. And he got caught. Then put him down and showed him all his other toys. The crocodile tears ended pretty quick. ^^

I've also introduced him to the online games as an alternative. They really are more hand-eye and less battle-oriented, plus you get strokes for being smart as opposed to having the biggest stick in your hand.

Time to redirect the focus.

I've also noticed kid attempting to see what would happen if he got destructive - which is new for him - and I have to believe it's coming from a good place, not a bad one. I didn't have the toddler that opened jars of powder and goo and spread them all over everything, or drew on the walls with markers or snapped all the CDs. But I think I will have the kindergardener who will poke holes in things with other things to see if it's possible. Stick fingers in sliding doors. Matches? Are all out of reach because those are MAGIC. No, not so much and we'll get there soon, kid.

This morning's car ride to daycare involved chatter about reading street addresses, rockets, spilling chocolate milk on yourself and eating your breakfast before we get there. Also, put your rocket up with your lunchbox while you're eating - and if I break it, I'm going to get a big timeout, you betcha.

What a difference.

Also, identifying Mommy and Daddy now has the filip of Mommy and Daddy are Jim and Donna as opposed to being new Mommy and Daddy. Foster Mommy and Daddy are now clearer in his head - and to him, right now? They were his first family. The idea of there being any others isn't there yet. And I think it'll be after age 8 or so before that really 'takes' as a concept, developmentally. I can see the glints of it already - I mean, the whole idea of telling me somebody else said it was okay? So smart, kid. Go ahead and try that again. Right on target.

He's having fun figuring out grandparents right now. Who is what, and who is older and all that. For me, not being constantly at odds with him is a relief beyond measure. Dad still has a ways to get here, but for now? The constant is you don't try it with Mom. And plainting for Dad when Mom has said No only gets you more of Mom and less of Dad. Not a popularity contest, this parenting gig.

But I can do more with less vocal volume and physical stuff - and by that, I mean sitting him in time out, or moving him away from what he was told not to. This kid was spanked - finding that out what not happy making because in those few instances when it was a life level error - and you DO get physical - the reaction was a shock. 'Oh, you mean it then? Okay.' Instant compliance. WTF. Kid, I am not supposed to WIN, here.

That, coupled with instant aggressive behavior after watching Power Rangers (we'd had to take it off the viewing list TWICE now), anything martial arts related, etc.? I have a very competitive little boy who is measuring himself up on that scale - which again, is right on target. As I've said, I think I might just be 'getting' this kid - a bit. Martial Arts training? In a few years. And with a group that will work with me as tight as Jim does as a partner. I don't like your style, you are DONE. It'll be too important and pivotal.

They'd jolly well better do car washes and stuff. Just saying. And yes, I think he'll be very good at it. When we're above the age of reason, folks. Not until then.

Work in progress, moving forward and all that. So far, so good.

Big Boy School called - we've got our spot, and it begins June 6th.

That means Xander will be transitioning from one preschool to another, and starting kindergarden in September at the new school.

I'm thrilled. It's a third of the cost less than his current placement, and it's a fantastic school.
I'm terrified. His current placement has been an absolute rock since he came home, and my absolute go-to for everything.
I'm sad. Here's another huge change I have to walk and talk this kid through. I have to. But dammit, I don't LIKE it.

It's closer to home, open earlier, doesn't close for the holiday season - just the actual days like work does, closes later, is next to a real, live protected wildlife estuary...and is full of strangers.

And I have to pay full tuition, even if I don't want him to start with them full time. If I want to ease him into this, I'll be paying two full rides for the months I do this.

One month or two? I have to find out.

Shit, the plumbing/house was 60% of our money the last 30 days. But by June, two tuitions for one month? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I HAVE TO FIND A WAY, THIS IS IT.

Fuckaduck.

Big Boy School called - we've got our spot, and it begins June 6th.

That means Xander will be transitioning from one preschool to another, and starting kindergarden in September at the new school.

I'm thrilled. It's a third of the cost less than his current placement, and it's a fantastic school.
I'm terrified. His current placement has been an absolute rock since he came home, and my absolute go-to for everything.
I'm sad. Here's another huge change I have to walk and talk this kid through. I have to. But dammit, I don't LIKE it.

It's closer to home, open earlier, doesn't close for the holiday season - just the actual days like work does, closes later, is next to a real, live protected wildlife estuary...and is full of strangers.

And I have to pay full tuition, even if I don't want him to start with them full time. If I want to ease him into this, I'll be paying two full rides for the months I do this.

One month or two? I have to find out.

Shit, the plumbing/house was 60% of our money the last 30 days. But by June, two tuitions for one month? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I HAVE TO FIND A WAY, THIS IS IT.

Fuckaduck.

So we marked the wall this morning.

Kid has officially grown 6.25" inches in two years. At this age, one could expect around 3" or so as a norm.

And I mentioned the diet yesterday?

So much for fast food being useless and all that.

Wow.

Two years, tomorrow - Jim and I took a taxi from the best hotel either of us had ever stayed in, through tiny back streets listening to Armed Forces Radio out of the Phillipines (it was in English) to a small multi-level complex in Tainan, Taiwan. Arriving at 9 AM, for a 10 AM appointment - we would be kept waiting until nearly 1 PM for Xander's foster parents to arrive with him. (They were late - and today, I know they had stopped off for one more lunch at McDonald's with him. At the time, I had no idea.)

To hand him over to us, saying good bye forever to him. At that point, he was 3.5 years old and had never known any other parents but them. They'd had a DVD of Jim telling him about a tricyle, me reading 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie' to him - they'd had a book of photographs to get him ready. What you can't tell a child that young in any useable way is that these strange people who don't speak your language are going to be the only thing even remotely familiar to you - after this day.

There is video Jim took while we were there - and we must have spent an hour just trying to get our feet under us. We didn't eat lunch, and I spent the bulk of the time his foster parents were there just trying to get this *tiny* little boy to play with me. The video breaks me anew every time I watch it.

They cried. He cried. He would cry for them for six months solid. And because I'm the heavy, I was the one who had to tell him they wouldn't be coming for him.

It would be nine months before he wanted *anything* to do with me. At times, I was barely the babysitter.

I was taking small videos and texting acquaintances with Chinese language proficiency just to know what he was saying. At night, it would be him begging to go home through the hysterics.

And there was no home to go to, because he was already at the one there was for him. For good or ill, we were it.

I can tell you, no amount of toys will compensate for the loss of everything you ever knew.

It's gotten better. The shock is in the past now, even though we experience anniversary echoes of the trauma and transitions of any kind rock him harder than the uninitiated are used to.

He's an amazing person. With no previous experience with companion animals, he walked into our home and greeted the cats, each one, as an equal and to this day has never harmed any of them, even out of curiosity. He's never so much as torn a piece of paper, or scribbled on the walls with a crayon or investigated the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. We're too protective to leave him unsupervised very long, but somewhere along the way, there is a lot of destructive behaviors that were either curbed younger than I can fathom, or he just doesn't have it in him.

He's innately safe - which can be kind of spooky. Monkey bars? Damn, he's good. Stops when he gets over his head, waaay before it would be an issue - and up to that point? Proficient and careful. Smart, smart boy.

It's clear he was spanked as the boundary to really unacceptable behavior, though. I didn't like finding that out.

He came to us completely toilet-trained, using utensils to eat with. Took a bottle of formula morning and evening, and it's clear why - this kid would NOT eat. And why not, when that was the best way to get attention focused on you? He was tiny. Think a 25 lb bag of sugar, at 3.5 years old - that won't eat.

It was rice, ramen, french fries, formula and chicken nuggets. For a loooong time. Each time we added something new, it was a major victory. Two years later, we're *still* adding - and struggling with - foods.

He's grown from being in 24mos clothing to being completely out of toddler clothes - size 5, top and bottom. A dozen pairs of shoes, all worn out and outgrown.

Within the first 90 days, he came down with scarlet fever. He had H1N1 in November. The pediatrician here put him on a nine month course of antibiotics for possible latent tuberculosis because he had a positive PPD skin test. (Well, duh - they inoculate for that in Taiwan, sheesh.) We had a long string of nasty high fever illnesses. (And me too - I was sick the entire first year and change. I was coughing up blood the day after AX that year.) That was special - and we had to compound the dose daily breaking down the tablets into shave ice syrup because the pharmacy didn't have one of its own.

Today? A sniffle now and then, nothing serious. I'm looking forward to the results from this year's physical because I'd like confirmation of him moving from the 0-2% in height weight to above the 50%. I'm pretty sure he has.

We start kindergarden this fall, if everything falls into place. We're having to work language hard - there are deficits - but we had been warned to expect them. Yes, we will being doing Chinese school - as soon as I'm confident his English won't be sunk by it.

And he misses me when I'm away. He really is Jim's kid, but Mommy isn't all bad anymore. (She's still the heavy, though.) I can tell him I love him and he believes me now. Before, sorry - no offense, but you have to understand you're new around here. And if you hate me enough, maybe you'll give me back.

I would have done anything to have made this easier - and I'm still trying to keep as much as I can, but more slides away every year. I want to go back to Taiwan. I want to reunite his foster family, even if just for an hour - I want them (and my kid) to know they didn't end when we showed up.

It's not a popular stance - but then again, am I one for sticking with popular if it doesn't work?

Two years.

Cuddle time.

Two years, tomorrow - Jim and I took a taxi from the best hotel either of us had ever stayed in, through tiny back streets listening to Armed Forces Radio out of the Phillipines (it was in English) to a small multi-level complex in Tainan, Taiwan. Arriving at 9 AM, for a 10 AM appointment - we would be kept waiting until nearly 1 PM for Xander's foster parents to arrive with him. (They were late - and today, I know they had stopped off for one more lunch at McDonald's with him. At the time, I had no idea.)

To hand him over to us, saying good bye forever to him. At that point, he was 3.5 years old and had never known any other parents but them. They'd had a DVD of Jim telling him about a tricyle, me reading 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie' to him - they'd had a book of photographs to get him ready. What you can't tell a child that young in any useable way is that these strange people who don't speak your language are going to be the only thing even remotely familiar to you - after this day.

There is video Jim took while we were there - and we must have spent an hour just trying to get our feet under us. We didn't eat lunch, and I spent the bulk of the time his foster parents were there just trying to get this *tiny* little boy to play with me. The video breaks me anew every time I watch it.

They cried. He cried. He would cry for them for six months solid. And because I'm the heavy, I was the one who had to tell him they wouldn't be coming for him.

It would be nine months before he wanted *anything* to do with me. At times, I was barely the babysitter.

I was taking small videos and texting acquaintances with Chinese language proficiency just to know what he was saying. At night, it would be him begging to go home through the hysterics.

And there was no home to go to, because he was already at the one there was for him. For good or ill, we were it.

I can tell you, no amount of toys will compensate for the loss of everything you ever knew.

It's gotten better. The shock is in the past now, even though we experience anniversary echoes of the trauma and transitions of any kind rock him harder than the uninitiated are used to.

He's an amazing person. With no previous experience with companion animals, he walked into our home and greeted the cats, each one, as an equal and to this day has never harmed any of them, even out of curiosity. He's never so much as torn a piece of paper, or scribbled on the walls with a crayon or investigated the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. We're too protective to leave him unsupervised very long, but somewhere along the way, there is a lot of destructive behaviors that were either curbed younger than I can fathom, or he just doesn't have it in him.

He's innately safe - which can be kind of spooky. Monkey bars? Damn, he's good. Stops when he gets over his head, waaay before it would be an issue - and up to that point? Proficient and careful. Smart, smart boy.

It's clear he was spanked as the boundary to really unacceptable behavior, though. I didn't like finding that out.

He came to us completely toilet-trained, using utensils to eat with. Took a bottle of formula morning and evening, and it's clear why - this kid would NOT eat. And why not, when that was the best way to get attention focused on you? He was tiny. Think a 25 lb bag of sugar, at 3.5 years old - that won't eat.

It was rice, ramen, french fries, formula and chicken nuggets. For a loooong time. Each time we added something new, it was a major victory. Two years later, we're *still* adding - and struggling with - foods.

He's grown from being in 24mos clothing to being completely out of toddler clothes - size 5, top and bottom. A dozen pairs of shoes, all worn out and outgrown.

Within the first 90 days, he came down with scarlet fever. He had H1N1 in November. The pediatrician here put him on a nine month course of antibiotics for possible latent tuberculosis because he had a positive PPD skin test. (Well, duh - they inoculate for that in Taiwan, sheesh.) We had a long string of nasty high fever illnesses. (And me too - I was sick the entire first year and change. I was coughing up blood the day after AX that year.) That was special - and we had to compound the dose daily breaking down the tablets into shave ice syrup because the pharmacy didn't have one of its own.

Today? A sniffle now and then, nothing serious. I'm looking forward to the results from this year's physical because I'd like confirmation of him moving from the 0-2% in height weight to above the 50%. I'm pretty sure he has.

We start kindergarden this fall, if everything falls into place. We're having to work language hard - there are deficits - but we had been warned to expect them. Yes, we will being doing Chinese school - as soon as I'm confident his English won't be sunk by it.

And he misses me when I'm away. He really is Jim's kid, but Mommy isn't all bad anymore. (She's still the heavy, though.) I can tell him I love him and he believes me now. Before, sorry - no offense, but you have to understand you're new around here. And if you hate me enough, maybe you'll give me back.

I would have done anything to have made this easier - and I'm still trying to keep as much as I can, but more slides away every year. I want to go back to Taiwan. I want to reunite his foster family, even if just for an hour - I want them (and my kid) to know they didn't end when we showed up.

It's not a popular stance - but then again, am I one for sticking with popular if it doesn't work?

Two years.

Cuddle time.

So yesterday, Jim takes the kid over to the prospective kindergarden for testing. 'Just to make sure he's ready.' Okay, that sounds reasonable.

Everyone over at his preschool routinely gushes about how bright, awesome and wonderful he is - they see him everyday, must be something okay going on.

Well, not so much.

He's not ready for THIS kindergarden. Their program begins with their own preschool, mind. And while I have visions of escalator schools beginning this young, I'm also not unaware that they might be doing us a favor.

You don't want to leave kids behind. And seeing what they need? Oh baby, they would leave our kid behind in the dust. We have eight months - all the basics are in place, but I don't think anyone knew they were testing an English Language Learner and I'm certain they didn't know they were testing a kid who'd only been speaking English for a year.

When I talk to them, I'll let them know. Then ask them for tutoring assistance.

He's not delayed - it's clear he's not challenged there in any way. It's just that they want him counting all the way to 100, unaided. He does exceptionally well on the way, but gets bored and drops off. Understands the structure, but doesn't do it much. I see many rounds of '99 bottles of beer' in the car.

Wants him able to print the entire alphabet, in order, both upper and lower case. Unaided. Write his name legibly. (This is much better than six months ago, but still.)

Able to read simple sentences. Able to spell simple words, unaided.

Able to do simple math equations.

That's what I was able to get from Jim when they got home last night.

Since we're really not doing much on a daily basis beyond getting dinner, some social time and then bed in on the weekdays, there's plenty of time to squeeze in an hour of schoolwork at night.

I told his teacher this morning, and her jaw dropped. We'll see.

90 days, and we'll retest. This morning, I loaded a ton of things on the iPod for kid to play with in the car, and heard him spelling three letter words by himself inside of five minutes. I don't think this is a problem.

Hey, there's that delay I was expecting. I am now completely justified in leaving him in preschool that extra year to get more lanugage onboard. Naw, didn't know a thing about it.