sunfell brought it to my attention -

[kyburg]

Maureen Dowd suspects the feminist movement was some sort of cruel hoax. Men would rather marry their secretaries or nannies than powerful, accomplished women.

So...that being married successfully twice, and being 44 has nothing to do with my 137 IQ. (Mensa can kiss my shiny metal ass - I hate those tests, and I don't test consistently. But I do test above 127 -)

Good fucking grief.

*thinks*

Could be because I didn't date. Hmm. Didn't date. Hmm.

Hmm. Could be because I didn't make "getting a man" my main goal in life. Hmm. Was quite prepared to live alone all my life and adopt 18 year olds when I retired. Hmm.

*throws paper across the room* Like I would turn my head for someone who just wanted to date their MOMMY. Hmm.

Here is the classic example of "for every dumb thing we do to women, we do two dumb things to men" argument I trot out at every feminist meeting I've ever been to. No, don't be bright and intelligent, ladies. Men just want to fuck you. And then not speak to you. Oh, and if you want to be just like dear old Mum, all the better.

WTF. What.

Frankly, I think I married a guy like my Mom - seriously. Tender, sensitive and will kick your ass.

Although, ignoring the modeling is at your peril - James Herriot (of the 'All Creatures Great and Small' vet book fame) once mentioned that you should watch your potential spouse's interactions with the parent of opposite gender for clues as to how they likely will treat you. He was right. You don't want a Mamma's Boy, of course, but a fellow who respects, likes and supports his mother will likely do the same for you. One who ignores, complains and expressly avoids her? When you're in a pickle, who's going to handle most of it? Guess.

And a daughter who adores, respects and supports her father? As well as questions him on his politics? She can come over here and sit by me!

Your mileage may vary.

I should go post this over at fortysomething -

Comments

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

I always have bad interactions with my mother. She is an abusive woman caught up in a martyr complex, denying the harm she is causing my father, sister, and me.

How I interact with her has nothing to do with how I've treated my girlfriends.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

No, but I'd wager it has had some impact on your expectations -

(Now, if that isn't asking for it, I don't know what is!)

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

I look for women who aren't into drama and hysterics. :)

Who are loving and giving without being demanding or reminding me of it all the time.

So those are my expectations.

*hug*

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

But even when you find them, don't you find yourself looking over your shoulder at times? Even a little?

[poetpaladin.livejournal.com]

I hate what being lonely has turned me into. Someone who yearns not to be lonely, who yet also doesn't want to lose the freedoms that being alone brings.

Exactly

[drsaddam.livejournal.com]

I share EXACTLY the same relationship with my mom as poetpaladin says.

And I think how I interact with mom somehow meaning that's how I'll interact with a girlfriend is a damned myth.

First of all, I'd NEVER date anyone like my mom. Ever. I date people who are psychologically more healthy, so we can get along better.

I can "get along" with mom, but it took years to figure out how to have a civil relationship. We're more acquaintances and that's as deep as it may get.

With my women friends, I have a great relationship.

Re: Exactly

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Interact no; expectations? You can't help it.

Also, I've seen too many times when the damage was done and nobody knew until the first time he got angry at his girl - and it all came out like a bad case of stuffed hallway closet.

You might guess that I really dislike toxic Asian Mommies. After cleaning up after a number of them, you have no idea.

Just...be warned. This is not something you had anything to do with. I have a great Mom - that doesn't mean I trust women. *grins*

Re: Exactly

[drsaddam.livejournal.com]

Thank you for understanding, Donna. :)

the first time he got angry at his girl - and it all came out like a bad case of stuffed hallway closet

Would you please give an example? I want to be careful how I react in that case. I agree that years of defending myself and resisting Mom have affected my reactions to people who may act like her.

How would those guys with toxic Moms react, exactly?