Not one of the good days -

[kyburg]

Doing the math and realizing that I will have aged out of the China program if I wait for them to send a referral, based on the current rate referrals are being done. They're only getting through one week of LIDs per calendar month - they're over 60 weeks out from our LID. That's over five and a half years to wait - called the agency, and got "well, they can't continue a program that way. It has to start speeding up sometime."

o_O?

Dude, I'm turning 48 this year. They shut the door on me after I turn 50.

How does NEVER sound?

Yeah, I got another call in to the founder of the agency. Time to set some deadlines.

It doesn't help that the department has had three babies this summer - all to wives of guys I work with.

Oh, and the boss got married. She already has a son - so there you go.

I'd like a wife. She could have taken the computer to the shop, and then cleaned up the office so we could both use the other computer in there. (I had to reorganize a bookcase, reshelve books, dust - and redust the desk several times - discover that the circuit breaker had been tripped, fix that....) - and maybe I could actually, I dunno, WRITE DRAW SEW SING something besides trying to figure out how the bleep to get the debt levels under control without living on Costco hot dogs three meals a day.

And keep going in circles. The same circles. Daily.

HELLO HIGH WATER MARK THIS IS IT

No, I really can't think about living child-free the rest of my life. There's no thinking to do. This has BEEN my life so far - and just getting older? Wow. You can hear the boredom now, right? I'd start buying a spot in an assisted living center, except who wants that to look forward to?

No wonder I spend so much time playing Sims. I can at least watch somebody having a life.

Comments

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

I thought you are turning 47 this year?!? I'm the one who's turning 48. Unless you have your birth year wrong in your profile.

*gentle hugs* in any case.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

No, you're right - that only shows just *how* much on my mind this is.

Believe me, I'm doing a lot of getting ready for turning 50. I can see the doors slamming shut in my face already.

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

So, in other words, what you're saying is that once you hit 50, NO adoption agency will let you adopt, NO fertility clinic will let you try to get pregnant (unless you totally lie about your age as some women have done)?

How about those older kids who are on the "Wednesday's Child" part of the TV news (if they do that out in your part of California)? Would it count that you were only, say, 42 when "adoptable kid X" was born? Or are those kids so screwed up emotionally from their former homes that parenting them is ten times as tough as normal?

What would happen if, say a married couple designated Person Z to be the legal guardian of their kid if they both died, and then the couple got killed an accident when Person Z was over 50?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

The China program is firm about 50 - you're done. The fertility clinic I spoke to? I'm already too old. I can spend the money on it, but I have less than a 2% chance of it resulting in a child. And it's nearly a given than any children wouldn't be genetically mine, regardless.

I did work with the Wedensday's Child people. For two years. When I told them I was considering an international adoption adjunct to what we were doing with them, they dropped me like a hot rock.

Designated guardians are a totally different issue - that's directed by the biological parents, and is a legally binding agreement.

Being just without kids? Not so much.

[luscious-purple.livejournal.com]

OK, I had thought the foster care people (the ones who handle foster parents, whether or not the kids are free for permanent adoption) were the ones who dropped you like a rock, not the Wednesday's Child people. Or are they one and the same (at least in California)?

Would another country be less restrictive than China?

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

They are one and the same - DCFS.

And other countries are more restrictive in some ways, less in others. China does the most, hands down.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

I agree with the agency people. I know there's a slowdown this time of the year because of the bloody heat.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

They're blaming the Olympics. When is that going to be over? Oh - next year sometime.

In the meantime, I'm burning time I can't just toss away anymore.

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

I know *exactly* how you feel (as you know), having already aged out and medded out of the China program. Great big hugs to you; if I were there, I would give them to you in person. You deserve kids if anybody does. I sincerely hope that you get them soon.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Have you considered Guatemala or Vietnam? Would you consider it, with all the challenges you have now?

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

I would still do it, even with everything, because NOTHING is more important than loving and raising a child, not even my medical conditions. I am not intending to die any time soon, and I'm doing what I can to keep my body in something resembling working condition. Disabled (which I am) or not, I will still do it if I can.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Don't know (or remember), so I gotta ask - did you check the other programs with Heartsent?

[tomlemos.livejournal.com]

No, I really can't think about living child-free the rest of my life. There's no thinking to do. This has BEEN my life so far - and just getting older? Wow. You can hear the boredom now, right? I'd start buying a spot in an assisted living center, except who wants that to look forward to?

damn. that's something I need to think about. I'm 45, gonna be 46. If M and I are gonna adopt, we'd better get busy soon.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Go directly to Heartsent, don't bother with Adoption.com -

[scarcrest.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry this is happening.

[drlaurac.livejournal.com]

They've gotta speed up. Those little babies are getting older!

sincerly yours

[fuhgettaboutit.livejournal.com]

Oddley enuff I think of you often and your adoption trauma/drama.Just had to let you know THAT when i think of you and your husband I can visualize a child.ItS gonna happen I know it. Positive thought. Fuck the negative ones.They are good for noone.Noella

[kimberlychapman.livejournal.com]

You have my total sympathies.

As I did the infertility gig far, far, far too many people would oh-so-helpfully ask, "Why don't you just adopt?" as if it's like going down to Target and picking up new socks. Only people who have gone through it have the faintest clue of how hard it all is.

And since I know when you're childless and feeling down about that there's not much anyone can say to make it better, I'll just nod understandingly and hope it works out for you.

And maybe use this contrasting icon to hope for a good roll soon.