w00t w00t booyah

So yesterday, Jim takes the kid over to the prospective kindergarden for testing. 'Just to make sure he's ready.' Okay, that sounds reasonable.

Everyone over at his preschool routinely gushes about how bright, awesome and wonderful he is - they see him everyday, must be something okay going on.

Well, not so much.

He's not ready for THIS kindergarden. Their program begins with their own preschool, mind. And while I have visions of escalator schools beginning this young, I'm also not unaware that they might be doing us a favor.

You don't want to leave kids behind. And seeing what they need? Oh baby, they would leave our kid behind in the dust. We have eight months - all the basics are in place, but I don't think anyone knew they were testing an English Language Learner and I'm certain they didn't know they were testing a kid who'd only been speaking English for a year.

When I talk to them, I'll let them know. Then ask them for tutoring assistance.

He's not delayed - it's clear he's not challenged there in any way. It's just that they want him counting all the way to 100, unaided. He does exceptionally well on the way, but gets bored and drops off. Understands the structure, but doesn't do it much. I see many rounds of '99 bottles of beer' in the car.

Wants him able to print the entire alphabet, in order, both upper and lower case. Unaided. Write his name legibly. (This is much better than six months ago, but still.)

Able to read simple sentences. Able to spell simple words, unaided.

Able to do simple math equations.

That's what I was able to get from Jim when they got home last night.

Since we're really not doing much on a daily basis beyond getting dinner, some social time and then bed in on the weekdays, there's plenty of time to squeeze in an hour of schoolwork at night.

I told his teacher this morning, and her jaw dropped. We'll see.

90 days, and we'll retest. This morning, I loaded a ton of things on the iPod for kid to play with in the car, and heard him spelling three letter words by himself inside of five minutes. I don't think this is a problem.

Hey, there's that delay I was expecting. I am now completely justified in leaving him in preschool that extra year to get more lanugage onboard. Naw, didn't know a thing about it.

I-171H permit received. We continue to wait for Sierra. And we will be fingerprinted AGAIN by July of this year.

Why yes, yes we will. Gladly.

Strangest way to have a baby I ever knew. Just saying.

This one has more information than previous ones, though. We are not only good to go to adopt one (1) orphan from China, we are good to go to adopt one female orphan, 8 to 18 months of age, no special needs.

That's what we're being told to expect.

There are more forms to apply for, of course. Will be following up with the agency and all that.

But we almost took ourselves out. Guess what won't be happening again.

Life is keeping me away from here, guys. Just saying. Work is busier, schedule is busier, no more hours in the day and sleeping gets more priority than eating. Just so you know.

We're two years in, nearly, with this adoption - and it's time to say it. I have a very well attached child who doesn't hate me anymore. As long as I respect the invisible boundaries, he's also a game duck. The boundaries?

We don't go very far. You don't see it, trust me - nobody does - he's very comfortable with a lot of people these days. When he's in a comfy spot, people-wise, he's a loose cannon. LOUD, energetic, bouncing off the walls, what's this - five year old boy. Just - don't go far. Do that, and the missing parent is plainted for. Until they return.

Oh dear ghaaaads, so effing STRAIGHT boy, my friends. Yes, you can tell this young. I am glad I bought the anatomically correct books - and decided early that talking about teh sexx0rs was not going to be verboten.

Because, let's face it. At this age? Bodily functions are FUNNY. And body parts are just that, nothing more. (Can you tell I'm finding this a whole lot of fun?)

He still thinks Mommy should have a penis. They're cool. That's okay, hon. I have a vagina, and that's okay. (Why yes, I have the age-appropriate book to explain that.) To him, it's just boring.

I have a kid who wants me to sit and watch television with him in the morning. This was not the case at the beginning. I may have held him as much as possible, but you can tell the difference between the necessary and the preferred. The sprawling and snuggling is a dead giveaway.

I'd estimate we're at where most people begin with their kids. Two years in.

Of course, we're also having all the 'fun' one has with this age. Yesterday? I got to hear chapter and verse about how his BFF punched him in the lip, so he pulled his hair. Yeah, kid came home with a small injury that didn't need any further attention - but I sure heard about the fight. And you discuss the 'kid, you don't DO that' and ask what school did, and where's the report (yup, right down the line, but no names mentioned). I'm not sure what happened first, but there are some real ringleaders in class right now.

And you wonder why there's no martial arts below the age of reason. Right, moving on.

I'm glad to be backing away from using physical reinforcements - I may have to grab a hand once in a while, or direct him towards a target, but there's very little else. I can use penalties like no television or games, and it's effective. It's very clear this is a kid who was spanked - that was the 'oh, you're SERIOUS about that, okay' moment. The tantruming is leaving. Yup, about six months ahead, my five year old is getting more six years old every day.

Still adding foods to the list of things, but now the list is getting comprehensive enough that I can list by omission instead by inclusion.

Hot dogs are now a staple item.

He can also be put to bed awake, and settle himself to sleep. This is one of the places he still pushes hard for attention, and the place where he can lose more privileges than anywhere else, but. He's fine, put to bed.

I can now think ahead to when a second child enters the picture. That's still at least a year away.

But he likes the idea, and I'm certain he is going to make a fantastic BENCH of a big brother.

Life is keeping me away from here, guys. Just saying. Work is busier, schedule is busier, no more hours in the day and sleeping gets more priority than eating. Just so you know.

We're two years in, nearly, with this adoption - and it's time to say it. I have a very well attached child who doesn't hate me anymore. As long as I respect the invisible boundaries, he's also a game duck. The boundaries?

We don't go very far. You don't see it, trust me - nobody does - he's very comfortable with a lot of people these days. When he's in a comfy spot, people-wise, he's a loose cannon. LOUD, energetic, bouncing off the walls, what's this - five year old boy. Just - don't go far. Do that, and the missing parent is plainted for. Until they return.

Oh dear ghaaaads, so effing STRAIGHT boy, my friends. Yes, you can tell this young. I am glad I bought the anatomically correct books - and decided early that talking about teh sexx0rs was not going to be verboten.

Because, let's face it. At this age? Bodily functions are FUNNY. And body parts are just that, nothing more. (Can you tell I'm finding this a whole lot of fun?)

He still thinks Mommy should have a penis. They're cool. That's okay, hon. I have a vagina, and that's okay. (Why yes, I have the age-appropriate book to explain that.) To him, it's just boring.

I have a kid who wants me to sit and watch television with him in the morning. This was not the case at the beginning. I may have held him as much as possible, but you can tell the difference between the necessary and the preferred. The sprawling and snuggling is a dead giveaway.

I'd estimate we're at where most people begin with their kids. Two years in.

Of course, we're also having all the 'fun' one has with this age. Yesterday? I got to hear chapter and verse about how his BFF punched him in the lip, so he pulled his hair. Yeah, kid came home with a small injury that didn't need any further attention - but I sure heard about the fight. And you discuss the 'kid, you don't DO that' and ask what school did, and where's the report (yup, right down the line, but no names mentioned). I'm not sure what happened first, but there are some real ringleaders in class right now.

And you wonder why there's no martial arts below the age of reason. Right, moving on.

I'm glad to be backing away from using physical reinforcements - I may have to grab a hand once in a while, or direct him towards a target, but there's very little else. I can use penalties like no television or games, and it's effective. It's very clear this is a kid who was spanked - that was the 'oh, you're SERIOUS about that, okay' moment. The tantruming is leaving. Yup, about six months ahead, my five year old is getting more six years old every day.

Still adding foods to the list of things, but now the list is getting comprehensive enough that I can list by omission instead by inclusion.

Hot dogs are now a staple item.

He can also be put to bed awake, and settle himself to sleep. This is one of the places he still pushes hard for attention, and the place where he can lose more privileges than anywhere else, but. He's fine, put to bed.

I can now think ahead to when a second child enters the picture. That's still at least a year away.

But he likes the idea, and I'm certain he is going to make a fantastic BENCH of a big brother.

There's a little widget on my profile that reads something to the order of 'waiting almost four years for Sierra-Rose' on it. You know that one? The clock starts with the LID date of her dossier we sent to China.

The one that is headed for the trashcan as we speak.

Why, you ask? Why because we can't seem to get our paperwork done on time. Because when I hand Jim a piece of paper from the Customs and Immigration people, it gets ignored. Because I'm tired too and want to stop working at night.

Because. I literally don't have any more clock cycles and it got dropped.

We got a panic call from our agency Wednesday after a kind officer called them asking why we hadn't gotten back to them with our paperwork...and that our case had actually been closed in October, but they were advocating to keep it open.

You can imagine. I haven't touched ground long enough to do anything but fume since.

I was able to get the financials done, my employment verifications and the tax records copied and to the agency next day. Jim? He's working on getting his done today - and it's iffy. If he can't make it happen?

We're done. Toss the four years (and the year and a half prior to that) in the trash and Xander remains an only child. See, I'm fifty now. I am now too old to have kids - unless I slipped my application under the door five years ago. Maybe we can redo the CIS permit under Hague regulations (I would certainly hope so), but then that raises questions on both sides I don't want to think about.

Keep in mind we started work on adopting our family in 2003. Sure, it's a walk in the park and there are TONS of kids who need families!

Until you actually, you know - TRY to find them. Or they, you. Without someone engaging in human trafficking, of course. Which in a lot of cases? You may have been party to, without your knowledge. (Hello, Guatemala?)

I'm told domestic adoptions are getting easier - well, hey - bad economy! (Ugh. Families need to stay together guys. I'm not engaging in any baby scooping. Do. Not. WANT.) And again, I'm now scary old.

Angry would be refreshing. I am getting my head around being done and raising an only child.

I'll let you know if that changes. We'll be damn lucky if it does.

A side effect of the wuv of Ultraman is clingy, do-not-want-to-be-separated-from-you kid. I'm delighted to be able to give this little piece of his past back to him, and it's VERY clear it was dearly missed, but.

He may not even know what it is he's missing, but he sure doesn't want us out of his sight. Last night Jim ended up on the floor in his room until he was REALLY asleep.

This morning, he got the Pokemon and ice cream Mom promised would Be There in the morning - and we'll see.

Upon leaving preschool, I had 'I want to watch Ultraman tonight' ringing in my ears.

A side effect of the wuv of Ultraman is clingy, do-not-want-to-be-separated-from-you kid. I'm delighted to be able to give this little piece of his past back to him, and it's VERY clear it was dearly missed, but.

He may not even know what it is he's missing, but he sure doesn't want us out of his sight. Last night Jim ended up on the floor in his room until he was REALLY asleep.

This morning, he got the Pokemon and ice cream Mom promised would Be There in the morning - and we'll see.

Upon leaving preschool, I had 'I want to watch Ultraman tonight' ringing in my ears.

When we brought Xander home, his height and weight was in the 0 - 2% percentile for his age. Which is to say, he was small. VERY small. Small enough that it was a concern. If you look at his pictures last year, you can see it in comparison to his schoolmates. He was WEE.

But he's gained so much ground since then, I was wondering if he had gotten anywhere towards catching up. At his party, he wasn't noticeably smaller than the other kids, and definitely NOT out of line with his ethnic peers. (He had been.)

So I checked.

50 % percentile. Dead average. Equal numbers both above and below him in height and weight for his age.

Atta boy.

You know, on a daily basis - you're never quite sure. Being able to take a long view? It helps. It really, really does.

In case you were wondering, no - it didn't end up better Monday. Kid got busted - TWICE - sent to the office, the whole rap. And this triggered a number of pretty intense discussions on my part because while this was going on (and I'd gotten full knowledge of it), I hadn't been able to reach the Other Parent to let him know what I'd been told.

The entire day, I couldn't reach him. Um, cell phone? Um, voicemail? Um, text messages? Hello, we pay money for these services for your benefit?

Intense. Not impressed.

The upshot for kid? He's on the calendar system - if we have a happy day, great. If not, the day gets an unhappy face and some privileges are removed. And things like a smart mouth or not following directions are getting much stiffer consequences, which he found out to his chagrin last night when not settling down and watching that half hour of television cost him both the television AND the books set out. Honestly, I think he thought demanding it back would work. When it finally sunk in that no, it's not coming back and this is why - contrition was immediate and amazing. And he was very, very sorry. Yes, baby you are a very good boy, but you make mistakes. We try again tomorrow, okay?

That lasted until this morning when he decided to punch Dad in the package refusing to take his vitamins. *facepalm* I think he hadn't aimed, but. Hitting? Never a good plan.

*sighs*

Nearly everything on the birthday list right now is also on the 'Not Approved Right Now' list as well.

And I've advised everyone, including myself - bust him. If he does something you don't like, bust him. If you need my help, that's why I pay CREDO money every month. Use the damn phone.

The stuff I'm hearing about what his little cousin got away with while I wasn't paying attention in KY is pretty concerning - this is something I'm going to have to be far more vigilant with in the future. My kid is *bright* and files everything away - and if someone did him a wrong without consequences? Here we are. Mad? Yes, yes he was. All that practice again. I have a little Leo Rooster, remember. Watch me and if you don't, I'll MAKE you.

I'm going to have to factor in some praise opportunties because right now? He's getting corrected at a much higher rate right now and without some balance, that would wear anyone out.

(This is largely for my own reference, y'understand. Normal as rain in the springtime, work in progress and all that.)

Now. You want some of my benches for what Hard is? I've got a cakewalk going on here.

You ought to follow some of these folks.

http://thisworkstinks.blogspot.com/
http://atlasien.blogspot.com/
http://theattachmentchronicles.blogspot.com/
http://pflagfostermom.blogspot.com/

This is also one of those times when I pat myself on the back for deciding to put him in a full daycare/preschool environment - if he was home alone with me all day, he wouldn't get nearly the number of teaching moments with other kids and adults to learn the social skills I want him to have, namely you ain't the only oyster in the stew, there are other people who need attention and you have to learn to cope with that. And do it gracefully. Practice, practice, practice.

In other news, I've found nearly every teaching moment I get related to racism relevant to transracial adoption have been with POCs. Is sensitivity to this issue also a white privilege? I'm beginning to wonder. It's a huh moment, but yeah. You adopt transracially, be prepared to decide if you are going to teach or not every time something crops up and it will crop up. The latest example was explaining to another Taiwanese national that yes, my kid knows he's not white, that he's different from his adoptive parents and we don't make a secret of his adoption or his racial makeup. Yes, even at his age. He knows, for crying out loud. Why would I be less than honest about it? Yes, we talk about his adoption - he was three years old and remember everything about it. What?

I think there's some wishful thinking that once the adoption is done, the kids forget everything and somehow that's better. Honestly. Yes, I will educate - when people get this blindered about the whole thing, what else can I do?

Hello, Wednesday. One more day.

In case you were wondering, no - it didn't end up better Monday. Kid got busted - TWICE - sent to the office, the whole rap. And this triggered a number of pretty intense discussions on my part because while this was going on (and I'd gotten full knowledge of it), I hadn't been able to reach the Other Parent to let him know what I'd been told.

The entire day, I couldn't reach him. Um, cell phone? Um, voicemail? Um, text messages? Hello, we pay money for these services for your benefit?

Intense. Not impressed.

The upshot for kid? He's on the calendar system - if we have a happy day, great. If not, the day gets an unhappy face and some privileges are removed. And things like a smart mouth or not following directions are getting much stiffer consequences, which he found out to his chagrin last night when not settling down and watching that half hour of television cost him both the television AND the books set out. Honestly, I think he thought demanding it back would work. When it finally sunk in that no, it's not coming back and this is why - contrition was immediate and amazing. And he was very, very sorry. Yes, baby you are a very good boy, but you make mistakes. We try again tomorrow, okay?

That lasted until this morning when he decided to punch Dad in the package refusing to take his vitamins. *facepalm* I think he hadn't aimed, but. Hitting? Never a good plan.

*sighs*

Nearly everything on the birthday list right now is also on the 'Not Approved Right Now' list as well.

And I've advised everyone, including myself - bust him. If he does something you don't like, bust him. If you need my help, that's why I pay CREDO money every month. Use the damn phone.

The stuff I'm hearing about what his little cousin got away with while I wasn't paying attention in KY is pretty concerning - this is something I'm going to have to be far more vigilant with in the future. My kid is *bright* and files everything away - and if someone did him a wrong without consequences? Here we are. Mad? Yes, yes he was. All that practice again. I have a little Leo Rooster, remember. Watch me and if you don't, I'll MAKE you.

I'm going to have to factor in some praise opportunties because right now? He's getting corrected at a much higher rate right now and without some balance, that would wear anyone out.

(This is largely for my own reference, y'understand. Normal as rain in the springtime, work in progress and all that.)

Now. You want some of my benches for what Hard is? I've got a cakewalk going on here.

You ought to follow some of these folks.

http://thisworkstinks.blogspot.com/
http://atlasien.blogspot.com/
http://theattachmentchronicles.blogspot.com/
http://pflagfostermom.blogspot.com/

This is also one of those times when I pat myself on the back for deciding to put him in a full daycare/preschool environment - if he was home alone with me all day, he wouldn't get nearly the number of teaching moments with other kids and adults to learn the social skills I want him to have, namely you ain't the only oyster in the stew, there are other people who need attention and you have to learn to cope with that. And do it gracefully. Practice, practice, practice.

In other news, I've found nearly every teaching moment I get related to racism relevant to transracial adoption have been with POCs. Is sensitivity to this issue also a white privilege? I'm beginning to wonder. It's a huh moment, but yeah. You adopt transracially, be prepared to decide if you are going to teach or not every time something crops up and it will crop up. The latest example was explaining to another Taiwanese national that yes, my kid knows he's not white, that he's different from his adoptive parents and we don't make a secret of his adoption or his racial makeup. Yes, even at his age. He knows, for crying out loud. Why would I be less than honest about it? Yes, we talk about his adoption - he was three years old and remember everything about it. What?

I think there's some wishful thinking that once the adoption is done, the kids forget everything and somehow that's better. Honestly. Yes, I will educate - when people get this blindered about the whole thing, what else can I do?

Hello, Wednesday. One more day.