There's nothing good about this.

[kyburg]

Russia threatened to suspend all child adoptions by U.S. families Friday after a 7-year-old boy adopted by a woman from Tennessee was sent alone on a one-way flight back to Moscow with a note saying he was violent and had severe psychological problems.

The boy, Artyom Savelyev, was put on a plane by his adopted grandmother, Nancy Hansen of Shelbyville.

"He drew a picture of our house burning down and he'll tell anybody that he's going to burn our house down with us in it," she told The Associated Press in a telephone interview. "It got to be where you feared for your safety. It was terrible."

A seven year old. That's the age of reason, and the age most adoptees actually begin to 'get it' about the fact they've been adopted. They get sad. They get mad. They've been abandoned by their first families and just now? They get it.

If I were adopting this age, from this place...I'd be *glad* to see this, because I'd then have proof this kid was developing at age level. Seriously. Think about it for a moment - how would you feel?

The other stinker here is that it's the adoptive parent's mother who actually did the deed. Paid off the people on the other side of the flight. Put him on the plane alone. And so far, is the only one answering any questions for the actions of a daughter in her thirties. I don't seen any mention of an adoptive father. Danger danger danger.

I know what I would do. I have resources here at my fingertips, trained professionals to call. 24/7. If he needed residential care, I got it. Hundred years of helping troubled adoptees to call on - foster adopts, international, the works. I've been there for classes - I'd stay there myself in a heartbeat. Danger to themselves or to others - got it in one. They deal with it all the time - it's COMMON. You can treat this - and they do. Every day.

I've been trained to expect this. And don't tell me they didn't have something like it themselves - first person they go to for an expert quote is at Vanderbilt in Nashville, I know the program and it's exceptional. Did they contact their social worker, who only saw them in January? (This also leads me to believe this was a new adoption of less than a year - did the child even have a good grasp of the primary language he would be demanded to acquire to communicate with these two people?) Doesn't appear they did any of these things.

They just returned him to the 'store.' Likely, DCFS wouldn't accept the turnover based on 'I'm tired of this, you do it now' and a very careful plan was put together to take the child's old (but NOT expired yet) Russian passport, book plane tickets in the original Russian name, find someone on the other side to be PAID to meet him at the gate (this REALLY stinks) and take him to the authorities to be quit of him. Nothing was done wrong by INS or the airline. All very neat and tidy.

The fact the child did not cause any noticeable issue during a flight that HAD to be over 12 hours in length? Guys, A SEVEN YEAR OLD. You tell me.

I hope they hang them both and close the agency they used. Poor kid.

Comments

[thatwordgrrl.livejournal.com]

The snark in me wonders if she tried to return him without proper proof of purchase.

The other part of me is busy boggling at *just handing some kid over to a random mercenary*. I wryly wonder if the guy had a whole lotta tattoos.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

The idea that someone would rather face jail that have one small child in their home...I really wonder what the eff, yanno?

[thatwordgrrl.livejournal.com]

I mean...for all that COULD have happened, the nice man who was paid to collect the kid could have oh, I dunno, *sold the kid to a bunch of child sex traffickers.*

Because that's how the Russian mob rolls.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Last story I read, reported she had found a tour group operator on the internet to do the job. Very. Carefully. Done.

I hope they blow this wide open on our side. I want to know what they did first before going this route. No, really. I do.

[kuangning]

In Russia's position, I'd be re-evaluating foreign adoptions too, quite frankly. And if there aren't criminal charges they can lay for this, well, there damn well ought to be.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

As I've been telling other people, Russia is just about a closed program with a lot of problems - not the least of which the condition most of the children arrive in, which is broken almost beyond repair for the best parenting (which would include experience and training in dealing with the issues presented) to try to mend.

My agency doesn't do them. They have in the past - but they don't anymore.

*nods.*

[kuangning]

All the more reason they should close it entirely for now and work on their problems (and problem kids) at home before trying it again.

[thatwordgrrl.livejournal.com]

Also, Miss Chippie, my former coworker? Her mother had adopted 10 year old Russian siblings whom she was attempting to return because they were "a handful."

Explains more than a little about Miss Chippie, you ask me.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I've got a couple at church who adopted from Russia 12 years ago - we compare notes a lot. Russian adoptees - wow. You hear about how bad the orphanages were, but I swear all people see is white faces and assume everything is hunky dory and get the surprise of their lives. These children are angry, they have NO trust towards any human being and have no idea what it's like to have enough to eat, sleep warm and safe or how to play like a child. They are scared, stressed and won't turn to anyone for comfort or reassurance. You have to TEACH them how to do that, and it's not something you can just tell them and expect immediate change.

There's a whole adoption sub-culture surrounding these very compromised children and how to parent them so they do not end up in the penal system. Really really.

[sal_amanda]

So this. It's very similar to adopting kids from the U.S. foster care system, but for some reason, people don't get that connection.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I could get so very racist about this in a heartbeat, it would scare most people.

People see white kids, they think nothing could possibly go wrong. That's me using nice language.

[drlaurac.livejournal.com]

Of the three families I can think of off the top of my head who adopted from Russia, none of those kids are doing well. And in all cases, parents did everything they could think of to help. It's really tragic, but these kids are set up for all kinds of problem, attachment disorder chief among them. I can always tell well-intentioned folks who don't know a lot about adoption: when they find out that we've had adoptions not go through, they ask me why I don't adopt from Russia.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

I hear horror stories from adoption professionals about people who adopt 12-16 year olds who are a total disaster from Russia, and basically figure that since they're doing the Lord's Christian Work for these kids, any problems will drop off like a chrysalis.

Then they realize somehow that the kids are damaged beyond repair and they have not the slightest idea as to what to do.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE NOT THE ANSWER TO THEIR PRAYERS. No, not today. Not ten years from today.

I really despise agencies who would assist in these placements, knowing full well what they're doing to both sides - and providing nothing, not training, not after placement assistance...nothing.

I may have my issues with the agencies I've worked with - but none of them would countenance doing THAT.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

weirdly enough that actually makes me WANT to adopt them.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

If I had nothing else to do - didn't need to work - and had more feet on the ground here - I'd consider it too.

But just the two of us, with kiddo here? I couldn't BUY enough resources to make it work. These kids almost need a six to one ratio to THEM. Two on, two asleep and two in the wash. Seriously.

[magaliiiii.livejournal.com]

...just curious but why is the fact that there was no adoptive father a problem to you?

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

I don't know about K, but to me, single-parent adoption (there's no indication of a female partner) is insanity.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

This is a hard thing to do in 25 words or less - but I look at patterns of ability to 'get along' when I see a string of women who don't marry, adopt a child 'to have a family' and this goes on for three or more 'generations.'

You can't stand people - but you adopt so somebody has to stand you. And in this case, no father, no grandfather - but there is 'family' to consider in the disposal of The Problem. And it's the grandmother actually doing the deed.

Something really smelly about this. Sex makes people. I can understand guys not getting laid because nobody will date them, but a gal who won't let *anyone* touch her, let alone let someone get close enough to learn how to have any kind of relationship whatsoever - that kind of cuts off your ability to relate to other people, period - in my book.

You have to be fully mature - able to interact with others as an adult, on an adult level - before parenting. Skip this step at your peril.

There's a lovely film called Daughter From Danang - which is my easiest example to name, that can illustrate this. (But I can also name a number of domestic adoptions as well - one where the parents didn't even share bedrooms...poor girl didn't have a clue WHAT they were even doing together, married and sex? Messed. Up. And she was the only child they adopted - oh, let's get drunk and I'll use Language about it.)

[sekl.livejournal.com]

Wow. And I thought it couldn't get worse than the couple I know that adopted twins but wants to send the daughter back. Apparently a son with Asperger's is fine. But a girl that acts out violently to not being loved like the son? Unacceptable.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

The sending back part makes no sense to me. Kid is here. Kid needs to be placed out of the family, it's DCFS who will do it.

Send them back. That just boggles my mind.

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

I agree with you, very wrong on many levels - can't believe someone didn't step in (agency, childrens services, school) to get the child help here.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

It reminds me that I have to call our agency this AM - there's a lot of scrutiny you have to go through to adopt, and perhaps there was some reluctance to allow that things were not going well.

In my book, you then pick who you wish to assist you with care - but pick someone, you do.

[violet-tigress1.livejournal.com]

Poor kid!

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Nobody asks to be born. But after that, the equality ends, neh?

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

A seven year old. That's the age of reason, and the age most adoptees actually begin to 'get it' about the fact they've been adopted.

could be, but OTOH, this "parent" and "grandparent" were obviously assholes. I don't think it's a given that this kid acted up at all, and if he did, the "parent"'s behavior gives me every reason to believe that the kid's actions were entirely justified.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering just how much English he didn't have onboard coming to the US. And then having to learn it in a play where the accent is just about impossible to discern. (I've spoken to native German speakers about learning English - they enjoyed my plain, flat Californian accent to the Queen's English, and heaven help you if someone from KY or TN showed up. No hope!)

That alone would piss me off.

[moropus.livejournal.com]

"The fact the child did not cause any noticeable issue during a flight that HAD to be over 12 hours in length? Guys, A SEVEN YEAR OLD. You tell me."

The evil old woman in me wonders if they sedated the child to transport him.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Nobody is saying, but I'd know a drugged kid - and I know airline policy wouldn't allow a drunk passenger onboard.

If that comes out in the investigation, there's more charges to bring.

[ginamariewade.livejournal.com]

Hey, murphysmom sent me over here, thinks we should know each other. And after reading your post, I agree.
You articulated things better than I did.
This kid got a raw deal.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

*checks* Oh, yes. Absolutely. *adds back*

Another story crossed my desk this morning from North Carolina - a 3 year old from China, adopted in November is in a coma due to blunt force trauma to the head.

This is AFTER the 2nd and 3rd degree burns to the hands months ago, which were investigated and shown to be neglect and incompetence.

Felony charges have been levied against the mother. Just now.

I really wonder what people think 'parenting' is when this sort of extreme pops up. This is the age we adopted at - and I truly regretted how physical I was with him at first. I had to tap hands, push, pull and pry fingers and jaws open. I was very frustrated - but so help me, if I had gotten sent to the ER with him from something I did, I'd cop to it - believe it.

[moropus.livejournal.com]

A lot of things went wrong here. I can't see a healthy kid doing well much less one with a whole lot of problems.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Life just ain't fair. I just don't get how they thought they could do this without anyone finding out.